01 Januar 2010


"My father, he was an workaholic. You mentioned work and he got drunk."

"I finally solved MY drinking problem. I joined Alcoholics Anonymous. Yeah, I still drink, but I use a different name."

"I got a smart kid. The other day I told him, 'Someday you'll have children of your own.' He said 'So will you.'"

"How fat? When she wears high heels, she strikes oil!"

"How ugly? I took her to the beach and they asked me what I'd used for bait."

"My daughter's a slut. She's like Federal Express...whenever she goes to a guy's house, she absolutely positively has to be there overnight."

"I got a boy in college. Now I get decent drugs!"

"All the kids want is sex, sex, sex. My daughter flunked her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat."

"How ugly? I took her a to a dog show, and she won! They use her in prisons to cure sex offenders."

"Ah, I'm gettin' old. I told my wife, 'I want to die in bed.' She said, 'Again?'"


31 Dezember 2009

So true....IIII


Now each of us from time to time has gazed upon the sea
and watched the mighty warships pulling out to keep this country free.
And most of us have read a book or heard a lusty tale,
about these men who sail these ships through lightning, wind and hail.
But there's a place within each ship that legend's fail to teach.
It's down below the water-line and it takes a living toll
- - a hot metal living hell, that sailors call the "Hole."
It houses engines run with steam that makes the shafts go round.
A place of fire, noise, and heat that beats your spirits down.
Where boilers like a hellish heart, with blood of angry steam,
are molded gods without remorse, are nightmares in a dream.

Whose threat from the fires roar, is like a living doubt,
that at any moment with such scorn, might escape and crush you out.
Where turbines scream like tortured souls, alone and lost in Hell,
are ordered from above somewhere, they answer every bell.
The men who keep the fires lit and make the engines run,
are strangers to the light and rarely see the sun.
They have no time for man or God, no tolerance for fear,
their aspect pays no living thing a tribute of a tear.
For there's not much that men can do that these men haven't done,
beneath the decks, deep in the hole, to make the engines run.
And every hour of every day they keep the watch in Hell,
for if the fires ever fail their ship's a useless shell.

When ships converge to have a war upon an angry sea,
the men below just grimly smile at what their fate will be.
They're locked below like men fore-doomed, who hear no battle cry,
it's well assumed that if they're hit men below will die.
For every day's a war down there when gauges all read red,
twelve-hundred pounds of heated steam can kill you mighty dead.

So if you ever write their songs or try to tell their tale,
the very words would make you hear a fired furnace's wail.
And people as a general rule don't hear of these men of steel,
so little heard about this place that sailors call the "Hole."
But I can sing about this place and try to make you see,
the hardened life of the men down there, 'cause one of them is me.
I've seen these sweat-soaked heroes fight in superheated air,
to keep their ship alive and right, though no one knows they're there.

And thus they'll fight for ages on till warships sail no more,
amid the boiler's mighty heat and the turbine's hellish roar.
So when you see a ship pull out to meet a war-like foe,
remember faintly if you can, "The Men Who Sail Below."


30 Dezember 2009


Recently, an elementary school teacher announced to her class, "I'm going to ask all of you three questions. The first three pupils to answer them correctly will be dismissed from school early today. The first question: Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.'?" Little Nellie's hand shot up. "That was President Kennedy," she said brightly. "Correct," said the teacher. "Next question: Who proclaimed, 'I have a dream that one day my children will be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.'?" Young LaTeisha promptly raised her hand and said, "That was the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr." "Right you are," said the teacher, extremely pleased. "And, finally, who was known as 'First in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.'?" Bridget waved her hand frantically. "That was George Washington, the Father of our country." "Correct!" said the teacher. Well done. Nellie, LaTeisha, and Bridget, you are all dismissed early today." As the three girls stood up and started to leave the classroom, a loud male voice from the back boomed, "F------ c---- can't keep their mouths shut!"

"WHO SAID THAT?!" screamed the teacher.

The voice answered, "Tiger Woods."