Benny Hill, Genius

It amazes me that out of the 8 billion or so webpages, only one had the following wonderful Benny Hill ditty posted. Then again, one is all one needs.

Fad Eyed Fal
Lyrics

By Foloman Faint Ftephen.

There'v a ftreet near Plymouth Ho where failorv like to go,
They've an inn there called the Faufy Puffy Cat.
With a broken-hearted gal by the name of Fad Eyed Fal,
On a feat befide the bar you'll find her fat.

Fhe will whifper fweet nuffingv in your ear, fip your wine and fwig your beer,
Or fing a fimple fong though flightly flat.
Fhe ufed to juggle with a carrot, four bananav and a parrot,
But fingv got hard 'cauve fhe had to eat the act.

Oh fed a tear (fed a tear)
For Fad Eyed Fal (Fad Eyed Fal)
All her hopef and dreamv will fade and fall apart (fall apart)
And be finfere (be finfere)
To your own gal (your own gal)
Remember in your hand you hold your lover'v... heart

To the feamen fhe wav a prive, a real fight for fore eyev,
And the offiferv, they fmiled on her av well.
And Captain Fidney Fmart took one look and loft hiv heart,
Though he fwore he'd marry Lindy Fuvan Fnell.

One night he felt her foftly figh, Fal faid, "I'll love you till I die,
Let me feal it, let me feal it with a kiff."
Foundv of anger filled the air, Fid and Fal faw Fuvan there,
Fhe had a knife and , "Fo it hav come to thif."

The knife wav aimed at Fal'v foft puffom, fhe carried with a cuffion,
And fpinning fomerfaulting through the air.
It ended up in Fidney, juft below hiv kidney,
Through that fcreaming Lindy faw him lying there.

But fed a tear (fed a tear)
For Fad Eyed Fal (Fad Eyed Fal)
All her hopef and dreamf will fade and fall apart (fall apart)
And be finfere (be finfere)
To your own gal (your own gal)
Remember in your hand you hold a young girl'v... part

Fal ruffed to Fidney'v fide, "Oh fpeak to me," fhe cried,
Fhe poured fome whifkey down him from a nearby glaff.
And fhe nurfed him night and day, and difcretely turned away,
When fhe gave him hiv injection in hiv calf.

To hiv cheekf there came a fluff, he kiffed her hand, that made her bluff,
Fhe fmiled fo happily to fee him looking fo well.
Foon he could ftand on hiv own feet, and walk unaided down the ftreet,
Fo he went off and married Lady Fuvan Fnell.

Fo fed a tear (fed a tear)
For Fad Eyed Fal (Fad Eyed Fal)
All her hopef and dreamv will fade and fall apart (fall apart)
And be finfere (be finfere)
To your own gal (your own gal)
Remember in your hand you hold another'v... heart

If you're ever Plymouth way and down that ftreet you chanfe to ftray,
And you feel foolhardy and adventurouf.
Fink carefully before you venture through the door,
Beneath the fwinging fign of that fly old poof.

Don't drink with filthy Farah, or cattle market Clara,
Or knickerv Nell, they're all fweet and refined.
But if your heart iv filled with luft, and drink with Fal you muft,
Remember fhe hav fuffered fo be kind.

Slowly

And if, when fhe'v had a few, you hold her clofe to you,
And you fenfe you're in a dream though you're awake.
Don't be taken by furprive if, when fhe'v cloved her eyev,
Fhe callv you darling Fidney by miftake.

Juft fed a tear (fed a tear)
For Fad Eyed Fal (Fad Eyed Fal)
All her hopef and dreamf will fade and fall apart (fall apart)
And be finfere (be finfere)
To your own gal (your own gal)
Remember in your hand you hold your lover'v... heart